His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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