Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
