im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize