we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
