this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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