I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
