It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
