I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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