There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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