so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
