you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
