Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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