I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize