She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
