You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
