So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
