where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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