I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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