I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
