And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
