Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
