just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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