I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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