Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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