he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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