I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
