Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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