I feel like abortions should bother me more
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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