I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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