The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
