Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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