And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
