I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
