First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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