Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
