Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
