WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
