bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just blew my weed a kiss
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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