Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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