gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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