it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
