Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my shit smells like andre
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
