are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize