i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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