Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
