How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
