Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
