You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
