friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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