new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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