What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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