pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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