East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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