shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
