just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
home. puking in laundry basket.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
