Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
