dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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