just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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