Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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