he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
