I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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