I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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