she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
