Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We need a shit load of segways right now
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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