We're like a lot better than the average bears
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize