Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
