It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
