I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
